"THE FIVE FEAR FACTS"
Want a dash of inspiration? I'll let you in on a little secret...
There are many, many things you can do to reinvent yourself. In particular, there are many ways you can learn how to transform how you react to negative feelings. Let's take that 4-letter word FEAR.
We all experience it, and we all hate to feel scared, but the truth is that FEAR and the feelings that follow it---anxiety, nervousness, angst, etc., really should be embraced! HUH?? Yes. It's true.
Fear can be a major positive in your life, and below is proof in the form of what I call
The 5 Fear Facts. The Fear Facts are five factual statements about fear that might just make
you start thinking twice the next time you feel a "frosty hesitation"...
FEAR FACT #1:
As long as I continue to grow myself, FEAR will always be around.
As long as I'm "out there"...as long as I'm stretching myself, and taking risks, I'm going to experience fear. YIKES, right? As dismal as that seams, it's an AWESOME RELIEF! Now you know that you don't have to try to overcome fear, because it never goes away! Wow, you're gonna save a lot of energy. But here's even better news. As you build confidence in yourself, your relationship with fear changes dramatically. Often times when we want to pursue something we'll say to ourselves "Well, WHEN I'm not so nervous THEN I'll ask her on a date," or, "WHEN I'm no longer afraid THEN I'll get that job interview" It's the WHEN/THEN game, and it's a game that is completely steeped in non-reality. The when/then game cannot possibly work, so get over it, and seize the moment!
FEAR FACT #2:
When it comes to FEAR, going out and doing it is the ONLY way to get rid of it.
I'm sure you've experienced this before. Fear of particular situations dissolve as soon as you finally confront them! I remember being told in college at the beginning of the year that we would have to make an oral presentations in front of the class, and we could chose when we wanted to do it. That horrible thought plagued me the entire semester because I decided to WAIT until I could get my courage up--which ended up to be the last week of the semester! That backward WHEN/THEN game was in play with me...WHEN I get my courage up, THEN I'll be ready to make that speech.
It's a reality order mix-up. If I could improve my self esteem THEN the fear will go away and I can GET 'ER DONE! But....think about it. HOW is your self esteem going to naturally improve? It's NOT! You improve it by pushing through fear and kicking your sense of accomplishment up! BAM! (Incidentally I aced my presentation in spite of months of nightmares and worrying about it--go figure).
FEAR FACT #3:
The only way to feel better about YOURSELF is to go out and DO IT.
The DOING IT always has to come BEFORE the fear diminishes. And when you do it, get ready for the ultimate trifecta!!! When you go and do it 3 things happen: 1) You immediately get rid of the fear 2) You set an example to others, and 3) You boost your self image. Don't do it? You stew in worry, you feel miserable, you beat yourself up...and if things are really bad? Maybe pee your pants. Some choice, huh? Now, is taking a risk the ONLY way to feel better about yourself? No. There are things that help out a little--the concept of "growing older and wiser" helps. So does a friend saying "You look hot in that dress", or “You're so freakin' smart", but...when you swallow hard, say I CAN HANDLE THIS, break those old chains and show up for yourself, there is no better feeling.
FEAR FACT #4:
LIVING with the underlying feeling of helplessness that comes with FEAR is much
worse than pushing THROUGH the fear.
The longer we put stuff off, the more helpless we feel. Especially worrying about stuff that's out of our control, like the loss of a job, or the death of a loved one--we really obsessive over those "what Ifs!" Here's something you may or may not have heard of: It's called F.E.A.R---Fantasy Experienced As Reality. We come up with a fantasy scenario in our brains, mull it over and labor over it until it becomes so real we've turned an imagined scenario into a real life movie in our heads. Your brain is not your friend! It's part of our upbringing, our parent's upbringing--it's just inherited, invisible garbage. Use these 5 "Fear Facts" as a reminder WHY you need to get over your self-induced helplessness and use that feeling of fear as a spring board.
FEAR FACT #5:
Every person on the planet experiences FEAR when facing an unfamiliar situation.
WOW. I just love that sentence, don't you? You have to know that when you see someone walk into the room that exudes extreme confidence, or that person in your life that seems completely fearless...it's nonsense--we're all in the same boat together. Like you, they've had to push through a lot of shit--and they're STILL pushing through it! We all have baggage, we all live with uncertainty--nobody programmed us to be perfect, or fearless. It's a fact that all human beings share the same feelings, and fear and self doubt is no exception. And, by the way, there is no such thing as fearless! Some people are conscious that they have to push through fear, and others are more unconscious about it and look at "being uncomfortable" as simply something "in the way of what they want". They get nervous, and anxious, sure, but they just don't label it FEAR.